Hope you're enjoying a little Thanksgiving break. I am, so here's a re-run of an article I wrote a few years back.
I thought about reposting a nice, sentimental piece to match the holiday spirit, but then I thought, "Nah, let's get some T flowing instead." Enjoy.
Little Men, Big Women
Jessica was fat. Not a little heavy, not pleasantly plump, certainly not big boned -- fat. Marriage, career and kids had overwhelmed her. And one day she woke up and realized she was no longer the attractive college girl who'd had her choice of boyfriends.
Jessica didn't like herself, but for a while that's as far as she got. She was too busy with work and kids to think about it too much. She asked me about some TV weight loss pills, I told her they were garbage, and that's as far as it went. A couple of months later, she told me she was doing some ridiculous housewife tabloid diet. She lost a few pounds then gained them back plus a couple extra. She told me about this, I told her why the diet had failed, and she went away again.
A month later she said her youngest daughter had told her she was too fat. Jessica had cried. I said nothing. Her daughter was right.
Finally I get a call at 10:00PM and it's Jessica, mad as hell. She ranting and raving, pissed at herself and ready to do something drastic. Jessica wasn't sad any more, she was mad, and that's just what I'd been waiting on. Now she was ready to be helped. Now she deserved my time.
I don't charge for diet and training advice when people I know ask for it, but I don't waste my time either. Everyone wants to get into shape but very few will do a damn thing with the advice I give them. I've been burned so many times that I've learned to wait until they're ready. And most of the time, they're ready when they get angry.
So I did what I always do: I sent her to TMuscle with a list of articles to print out and read. I met with her to discuss nutrition, then later I met her at the local gym to show her the basics of resistance training.
Jessica was on her way. The fat began to come off, her mood improved, her energy levels skyrocketed and an hourglass figure began to replace the shapeless body that had been there before.
And then her husband set out to destroy her.
Sleeping With The EnemyIt started out subtle, the old "Honey, I love you no matter how much you weigh" ruse. I call this Step #1, because it's the first step small men use to control their wives and girlfriends.
When that didn't work, he moved to Step #2: tempting her with bad foods, telling her she deserved a treat -- very polite sabotage.
I'm not sure what Step #3 involved in Jessica's case, but she quit exercising and dropped the healthier diet. Sometimes these small men, these toxic husbands and boyfriends, will use money as an excuse and not allow their wives to buy supplements anymore. Sometimes it involves verbal manipulation: barbed comments, no longer subtle, no longer polite:
How dare this she try to look better. What, is she looking for another man or something? Does she think she's better than me? Does she expect me to lose weight now and turn into a fucking health fanatic?
Think I'm exaggerating? Think I'm making a bad joke? I'm not. I've seen it happen a dozen times. When some women try to improve themselves and lose weight, it's their husbands or boyfriends who make damn sure they fail.
Why? Because they're insecure. They'd rather have a fat wife than a wife who might turn the head of another man. Maybe they think there's safety and security in a beaten down, verbally abused, fearful woman. Convince her that she's poo and she won't think she's worthy of being treated any other way. Then she'll stay. Then she'll put up with your shit.
I don't get it. Never have. These men are "small" -- emotionally small, psychologically warped, developmentally stagnated. Label it however you want, but it pisses me off to no end.
The whole situation reminds me of a murder investigation. When a woman disappears, the first person to come under suspicion is the husband or boyfriend. Some people don't understand why. The poor guy's wife disappeared and now he has to deal with being accused of foul play?
Well, the reason for this suspicion is obvious to investigators: the fact is that when a woman disappears or is murdered, it's usual the husband, boyfriend or an ex who's responsible!
Well, if a woman drops her diet or stops working out, you can often point your finger at her significant other. These small men are diet killers, either subtle saboteurs or overt control freaks determined to keep their women fat, out of shape, socially suffocated and securely pinned under their thumbs.
And I'm not going to be quiet about it anymore.
Real Men vs. Small MenFrom now on, when I see ample evidence of this going on with someone I know, I'm going to call them on it. Maybe these men don't even realize what they're doing, at least in the first stage or two of their manipulations. Maybe all their insecurities can be wiped out if they too were trying to make lifestyle changes. (There's nothing so difficult as one member of a pair bond trying to diet and exercise while the other eats Oreos and sits on the couch.)
Or maybe they just need a few teeth knocked out if they're in the last stage?
Yes, I know there are plenty of men out there who do everything they can to get their spouses or girlfriends to adopt a TMuscle lifestyle. These men love training and want to share it with the women in their lives. And if you're one of those, great. Getting your reluctant girlfriend to go to the gym with you and eat better is tough, and it deserves an article all to itself.
But I'm not talking about you guys; I'm talking about small men. In fact, if this pisses you off as much as it does me, then maybe you can step up and join me in calling these bastards out. Maybe we can help them, show them the way, tell them that being in a good relationship with a woman isn't like owning a dog. (Hell, come to think of it, good men treat their hounds better than small men treat their women.)
And if that doesn't work? Hey, that's up to you. Maybe slip your female friend the business card of a good divorce lawyer or a marriage counselor, because I guarantee that any man determined to keep his wife fat and emotionally whipped has other problems and the marriage isn't a healthy one. In my observations, if physical abuse isn't already part of the marriage, it will be some day.
Real men don't behave this way, real men don't treat women this way, and real men don't stand around and watch women being treated this way.
Small men, be afraid of real men. We're watching you.
